“It Took Me Years To Come Out To Myself But Was A Cakewalk Coming Out To Friends And Family”

In a world where personal identity is a complex and deeply personal journey, the act of coming out takes immense courage and vulnerability. The journey becomes even more profound for individuals who identify as transgender, as they navigate the challenging path of revealing their authentic selves to the world. A transgender coming out story is a testament to the power of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and the pursuit of living an authentic life.  

Coming out as transgender involves the realisation and acknowledgment that one's gender identity does not align with the sex assigned at birth. It is a process that varies greatly for each individual, marked by a range of emotions, uncertainties, and ultimately, a desire for acceptance and understanding. This journey of self-exploration and self-acceptance is a unique narrative that deserves to be shared, heard, and embraced by a compassionate and empathetic society. 

Therefore, it should be very easily believable of how difficult would it have been for Ritushree Panigrahi, Co-founder and D&I Lead, Outcast Collective; A Lawyer And First Trans-Woman Standup Comedian to primarily embrace who she was and then to come out to the world. Let’s read the inspirations coming out story of Panigrahi. 

Coming Out

“Now with me what happened is that I grew up in a very small town of Orissa and back in 90s there was no Internet or anything. Since childhood I wasn’t part of that stereotypical society where a boy and a girl’s playway methods were segregated,” recites Panigrahi. 

Though she had never wanted to, but due to societal pressure she somehow started to fit herself into those narratives of masculinity in society. If you are born with this genital and this body, you behave like that, and hence, got trapped into societal expectations. But deep down she knew something wasn’t right and that started to feel clustered in her own skin as she wasn’t able to accept what she wanted and it took her immense amount of time to accept, as people back then weren’t so much exposed to being educated about sexuality and gender. 

She further explains, “It was when I started studying law that I actually gained knowledge and consciousness about what I was and what I wanted from life. That is also when I gave a tag to myself of being a TRANSGENDER WOMAN. Now that my course and internet had exposed me to so many new terms, therefore I suddenly got bombarded with more and more questions about myself, to which I was direly looking out for answers.” 

“The moment I began earning, I decided to move out of my parent’s shell and rented and accommodation for myself. That was when I also started to look for prospective therapists in this field who could have helped me gain answers to the numerous questions which were hounding in my head. Back in 2019 I landed my first job in Ahemdabad. I decided to let go off this phase and not dress up anymore, as I was still in an experimental phase of my life. But within a month I just bought a whole new wardrobe of dresses and makeup as I wasn’t being comfortable anymore in being who I was pretending to be.” 

Eventually her family also began putting pressure on her for getting settled. Panigrahi also thought that things would change once she starts onto a new phase of her life. But that also didn’t work as she started to experience panic attacks the moment she again pretended to be who she wasn’t. She decided to seek a month’s time from my family to figure out what she wanted from life and began with her therapy then.” It was my therapist who told me the primary thing to do it to tell your parents that you aren’t ready for marriage as yet then secondly, dress up the way you feel like and want others to see you like,” reminisces Panigrahi. 

Her family was pretty supportive of her decision back then. It was the first time in Delhi’s Pride Parade that she got to be who she wanted to. Even showed the images to her sisters and they were so proud of Panigrahi. They even questioned her why didn’t she tell them before. “Well, to be honest it wasn’t an ounce of the scenario I had imagined. And my coming out story wasn’t as scary as I had imagined it to be,” states Panigrahi 

“The irony was that it took me years to come out to myself but was a cakewalk coming out to friends and family as they were pretty cool with who I was!”